
Once upon a time, when he was still an innocent child, he believed that cleverness was the only yardstick that mattered, that as long as he was clever enough he would attain everything he desired. Going to university put him in his place. The university showed him that he was not the cleverest, not by a long chalk. And now he is faces with real life, where there are not even examinations to fall back on. In real life all he can do well, it appears, is be miserable. In misery he can attract he is still top of the class. There seems to be no limit to the misery he can attract to himself and endure. Even as he plods around the cold streets of this alien city, heading nowhere, just walking to tire himself out, so that when he gets back to his room he will as least be able to sleep, he does not sense within himself the slightest disposition to crack under the weight of misery. Misery is his element. He is a t home in misery like a fish in water. If misery were to be abolished, he would not know what to do with himself.
Happiness, he tells himself, teaches one nothing. Misery on the other hand, steels one for the future. Misery is a school for the soul. From the waters of misery one emerges on the far bank purified, strong, ready to take up again the challenges of a life of art.
Yet misery does not feel like a purifying bath. On the contrary, it feels like a pool of dirty water. From each new bout of misery he emerges not brighter and stronger but duller and flabbier. How does it actually work, the cleansing action that misery is reputed to have? Has he not swum deep enough? Will he have to swim beyond mere misery into melancholia and madness?

Quotation: Youth by J.M. Coetzee