In a circle of true Friends each man is
simply what he is: stands for nothing but himself. No one cares twopence about
anyone else’s family, profession, class, income, race, or previous history. Of
course you will get to know about most of these in the end. But casually. They
will come out bit by bit, to furnish an illustration or an analogy, to serve as
pegs for an anecdote; never for their own sake. That is the kingliness of
Friendship.
We meet like sovereign princes of independent states, abroad, on
neutral ground, freed from our contexts. This love (essentially) ignores not
only our physical bodies but that whole embodiment which consists of our
family, job, past and connections. At home, besides being Peter or Jane, we
also bear a general character; husband or wife, brother or sister, chief,
colleague, or subordinate. Not among our Friends. It is an affair of disentangled,
or stripped, minds. Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked
personalities.
Hence (if you will not misunderstand me)
the exquisite arbitrariness and irresponsibility of this love. I have no duty
to be anyone’s Friend and no man in the world has a duty to be mine. No claims,
no shadow of necessity. Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art,
like the universe itself… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those
things which gave value to survival.
Quotation: The
Four Loves by C.S. Lewis. 1960